As most big property tycoons have silent partners, Derek too had no plans to reinvent the wheel with this one. Aitan was a skilled real estate broker who had migrated from Israel. He sought out the American dream just like everyone else. He moved to Dallas from Tel Aviv because he thought what better? Oil money? Sue Ellen? God Bless America.
Shortly after relocating to Dallas and developing a solid reputation, Derek and Aitan met through mutual friends at the annual “We Are The World” social golf outing. This was an event where the good old boys with oil money and the eager amateurs team up and spend a day out on the greens telling each other how fabulous they all are. “We make the world a better place!” cheers. “Where would the white house be without us?” cheers. And on and on it goes.
Aitan and Derek had a lot in common. They both thought Derek was God’s gift to making money. Aitan wasn’t stupid. He knew that if he teamed up with Derek that he would soon be considered a force to be reckoned with. He could be the middleman between the two money men. After all, Aitan was from a teensy little country in the thick of it all, he had been training for this his whole life.
Dana wasn’t exactly Sue Ellen but she did have the southern charm. She had big perfectly maintained hair and acrylic fingernails. She had been a runner up as Prom queen in her high school and served as the co head cheerleader to her varsity football team. And anyone who knows anything about high school knows that playing football in high school in Texas is greater than earning a diploma.
Dana and Aitan met at the local BBQ shack that Aitan frequented. The flirting began and they were off and running. He was thrilled to learn that she came from generations of Texans and her family was in the “know”. And Dana, well, Dana was overcome with the mystery and the intrigue of someone foreign. And frankly, Dana just wanted to win a popularity contest amongst her girlfriends. They had all married the Marlboro man and she was bringing in culture. And she never really did like pork. She was a born and bred cattle girl.
About 6 months after they began their intercultural love tryst, something crazy happened. It wasn’t so much as “crazy” as it was unexpected. Dana was pregnant. Yes, the nice southern belle who came from a very conservative family was pregnant outside of wedlock to an up and coming Jew from Israel. This was destiny all right…
As expected Aitan and Dana lived a lifetime of circumstance. After converting and severing ties with her family Dana became dependant on befriending Aitan’s friends. So began the friendship of Derek, Aitan and Dana.
“Dallas?” I asked. “What is in Dallas, Derek?” “Well, I own some land outside of the city and I haven’t seen it. I have some great friends there so we can make a weekend out of it. Aitan and Dana have heard so much about you and they are really looking forward to meeting you.” Replied Derek. “Okay, it sounds different. Are these people going to actually be nice to me or are they like your other friends?” I asked. “No” Derek reassured me, “these people are solid. Real salt of the earth people.” And “I have made Aitan a lot of money over the years. He knows better.” That sounds convincing, I thought.
I was at home and starting to pack for the weekend eager to meet some of Derek’s nice friends. I was on the phone with mother and retelling the story of how Derek and Aitan met. “Dallas?” she asked. I know, sometimes I do hear myself in mother. “Yep.” I said. “Too bad I got rid of my cowboy boots from last season.” Mother laughed. Then she cautioned me and said “Remember Oriana, if it walks like a duck and looks like a duck and talks like a duck, chances are, it’s a snake.” Mother always knows best.
As always, I pulled up to Derek’s airplane hangar and Sonia was there to greet me. Derek was already on board and they were just waiting on me to arrive. I must say there is a level of convenience that comes with money. Before I could even sit down in my seat, the door to the plane was sealed and we began to taxi.
I was curious, “Derek, what’s in store for the weekend?” Derek smirked and said “calf roping and bull riding. Trust me, it’s going to be a fun weekend.” That’s the thing about Derek. He has such a dry but witty sense of humor. He could always sense when I was feeling nervous and tried to make me feel comfortable. We had already had some questionable treatment from Derek’s “friends” and Helen had made things less than easy. Mid flight Derek grabbed my hand and held it tightly. He said, “They are going to love you. If for nothing else because I love you.” And there it was. My trade. I had traded my pride and my ability to recognize reality for the hope of true love. This had never happened to me before. I could look into Derek’s eyes and get lost in them. But then again, what does that really mean? Losing myself? Losing my voice? Losing my freedom?
After a day of helicopters and aerial tours of seeing Derek and Aitan’s new property investment, I was tired. Maybe a bit edgy, too. I had spent the day listening to Aitan tell Derek he was “the king of the world”. I was hungry and hadn’t had my standard intake of cokes and I probably needed a nap… From a bird’s eye view doesn’t land all begin to look the same? These aren’t the new season of strappy heels we’re talking about.
We got back to the hotel (famous for where Bush 42 stayed) and we were short on time. I showered and threw together an outfit quickly. I wasn’t the slightest bit concerned about fashion because after all we were in Texas. After 20 minutes we were out the door. Aitan had come to pick us up and Dana was at the restaurant waiting for us. I had liked Aitan immediately. He was funny and sharp and did seem to truly care for Derek. He had a sadness in his eyes that I couldn’t quite figure out. Maybe it was sadness or maybe it was his training in the Israeli military. Whatever it was, it was vacant but a bit haunting.
I was hoping Dana was going to be as easy to be around as Aitan. We all walked into the restaurant and Dana was waiting for us at the bar. She immediately started to berate Aitan for being tardy. I held out my hand to introduce myself and she barreled past me and threw her arms around Derek. I was engulfed with that sixth sense again. It wasn’t whispering, it was yelling. “Run for cover!!!” But instead of allowing myself to hear the warning I just smiled. I had gotten quite good at that.
Derek felt the tension. He stepped back from Dana and said, “Here she is. This is Oriana. O, meet Dana.” After peeling herself off of Derek, she finally acknowledged me. She didn’t look me in the eyes at any point of the introduction, “Well,” she said “isn’t she lovely.” She? Was I not standing right in front of her? And did I detect a tone? Mother was actually the only person in this world who could use “the tone”. Suddenly I felt like I was standing beneath a magnifying glass. And mother always said, “Lighting is crucial. If you are standing in the perfect angle a fire would eventually spark.”
We were shown to our table and by “our table” I mean Derek, Aitan, and Dana’s. I was merely an ornament. I felt like I was walking down a plank to my own funeral. What I didn’t know was that I was attending a glimpse of what was to be a very slow death. It was the death of “us”. Thank God I was wearing my uniform of all black.
Before we finally sat down there was mass confusion. Who would sit by whom? Dana had stated that she wanted to sit by Derek and she knew Aitan would want to sit by Derek so my first olive branch I held out to her was “I can sit at the table next to yours. Then you both can sit by Derek and there would be no confusion. Just make sure you pass the salt.” Little did I know that the salt would be used to cast into my wounds from Helen.
The conversation was forced. Derek was obviously uncomfortable but I am not sure if it was because of Dana’s attack or my response. I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t just let me sit at the other table. I wasn’t looking for any reassurance of myself. I actually thought that the conversation within my own mind would have been more entertaining. Aitan did not say a single word over the first course and Dana did not even realize I was there. I had maxxed out on my give a shit level because I was hungry. I was in the Lone Star State and in order to handle being accosted any further, I needed a steak.
I had been daydreaming and didn’t realize the topic of conversation had switched from Jackson Pollock to my personal method of birth control. Yes, I had always loved the arts and hearing discussions on others opinions about how it made them feel, but did I just hear her say to Derek “how do you know that she takes the pill? Do you watch her swallow it everyday? Did you pick up the prescription? How do you KNOW, I mean really KNOW that she is taking a birth control hormone? She could have switched the tablets.”
Ready! Aim! Fire!!! It was a full on attack. An attack on my integrity. A lack of respect to me, and more importantly to her beloved Derek. My mind was racing. I had so many things I wanted to shout at her. She clearly wasn’t aware that I knew how she forced herself on Aitan. And Derek clearly hadn’t told her much about me. If he had, she would have known that I was independent and strong and I would survive. How can you give someone the world when they have already seen it on their own merit? Had she had any history about me she would know that I could smell the difference between new money and old money. Maybe she was on to me. Or maybe she was just a bitch in sheep’s clothing.
Unlike most Israeli’s I have known, Aitan chose to retreat. Isn’t it his culture that teaches to strike back only when struck upon? Obviously he had just lived in Texas too long. So my eyes immediately darted to Derek. I was waiting to hear the sonic booms of fighter jets above. I knew he was going to defend me and defend my honor. I was positive he was going to stand up for me. Waiting. Just waiting. And then Derek quietly said, “Yes, I watch her take the pill everyday.” Was that his remedial version of “Stand and Deliver?” That was his defense? “Yes, I watch her?” For a man with such potential to be so great it was an enormous disappointment. I thought I had seen so much in my travels. I thought that I had seen the many facets of bartering and selling out. This however, was something different.
With every last bite of my remaining meal, I swallowed more than dinner. I was swallowing my own pride. I was swallowing the hope that this could have been something pure. I was swallowing the hurt of being something not worth fighting for to Derek. I was swallowing a rage that I had never felt before. I was forcing all of it down. I was full but just when I thought I couldn’t eat another bite, I swallowed some more. “Get it down, just keep it down” I was telling myself. I was chewing away self-awareness. I was chewing away at pieces of my soul. “Keep it down,” I kept thinking.
Just when I thought that I had learned all I could from the modeling world I had a gross reflection. Pascal in all of her glory was bulimic. I never understood how someone so riveting that we all worshiped could have been so hollow. She was exactly who we all wanted her to be. A doll if you will, whom we would dress up and revere but secretly always someone we hoped to become. She was a shell. And for the first time I understood her illness. I no longer worshiped her. Her sadness was toxic. She was so misunderstood. I am positive that she would be shocked at the impact she had on me when it was such an influential time in my life. So yes, at that moment in what I refer to as ‘The Last Supper’, I kept it down. I didn’t do it for Derek, I did it for myself. I did it for Pascal and all the other nameless empty beauties that the world worships. I kept it down because I had the courage to do so. And it was at that moment that I made the decision to purge. And I began to write our eulogy. It began with “and then she rises.” And I WAS NOT referring to my dessert.
*Oriana
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