The Ex Files

 Initially things seemed pretty promising with Derek.  He was smart, witty, uncharacteristically sarcastic and seemed all around human.  Derek made me laugh and he made me think.  After seeing so much so soon in life, that was refreshing.  I was beginning to look forward to hearing his voice when he called and found myself thinking more and more about him.

I knew going into this meet the friend scenario that Derek had previously been married.  Married for about 12 years, actually.  And divorce isn’t such a bad thing if you are actually divorced.  Things are situational and nobody really knows what goes on between 2 people.  I was trying to be very open minded because Derek had mentioned on more than one occasion that he and Helen remained very good friends.  I was impressed and thought that his continued devotion to Helen was respectable.  Strange, but again, nobody really knows.

My first impression of their relationship was one that seems like your typical story.  Got married young, had children, fell out of love.  They sounded like they really gave it a valiant effort but it was just time to close that chapter.  When telling me about his courtship he often edited the “oh by the way, I had a long standing two year affair with her best friend” portion of the conversation.  I sort of felt this strange allegiance to Helen just with the whole women stand together thing.  I was certain that there was an enormous part of the story I hadn’t gotten.  Just like mother has said before “what good is your cake if you can’t eat it too?”

I like cake.  In fact, I love cake.  But not enough to have Derek’s beloved Mrs. Cohen spoon-feed it to me.  I knew if I sat quietly enough the intentions of Helen and her friendship offering to me would reveal themselves on there own.  Little did I know that it would happen so soon? 

Derek and Helen share two children.  Of the two, there was the older quiet and sophisticated ballerina who traveled with a local dance company nation wide and there’s the other one.  Derek’s heir.  He was the younger child who was ALL boy, no boundaries, and overcompensating parents.  Because his oldest was outstanding in everything she did, Derek doted and seemed to obviously favor the more “challenging” child. 

I thought for the sake of the family that it was pretty amazing that Derek and Helen, BFF’s, were able to co parent in a divorced circumstance.  It wasn’t until his daughter’s ballet exhibition in Colorado that I was seriously beginning to question what divorced actually meant. 

When Derek came home from the weekend he was so excited to tell me how it was.  I think he was probably equally curious to hear my reaction, as I was certainly curious to hear the details.  It was tough for me to swallow, and initially I thought it was an insecurity issue on my part, but Derek insists on flying his daughter’s ballet troupe including Helen and her friends to all of her dance exhibits, often leaving no room for me on the plane.  Had Helen not divorced well enough that she couldn’t afford first class tickets on her own? 

He was telling me about the weekend and he breezed over the part where they had an adjoining hotel suite.  Halt.  Rewind.  Adjoining hotel suite?  He said, “you know so the kids feel more comfortable and get the sense that we are still a family unit”.  Excuse me, I thought?  What part of broken home didn’t Derek understand?  Or what part of divorce did I not get? 

I asked Derek if this was always the situation during ballet exhibits out of town.  He simply responded “yes”.  It was so matter of fact and I got a clear sense that it was not negotiable.  Again, I decided to try and keep an open mind about this whole ex’s spouses are best friends new age divorce thing.  So I chose the motto of Israel.  I mean, they are this teensy little nation amidst constant chaos and seem to be surviving.  So, I decided to sit quietly and wait.  Like Israel, I would only strike once struck upon.

*Oriana